If you're interested, this is a story about how some politicians are completely ignorant. I'm glad to know people like Rep. Virgil Goode of Virginia are representing this country...walking stupidity at it's finest. God Bless, America!


http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061222/pl_nm/koran_congress_dc

Whatever...give it a try.




http://kevan.org/johari?name=Jezziapple

As my subject says, I don't really update but I really need to just sit here and vent about everything that is on my mind....

Yeah, to be honest, I think I jumped the gun when I thought I was really happy with a lot of things in my life. Ever since school started, I've been growing worried and stressed...I just hope I don't breakdown again. BCA does seem to be like the right field for me, but I just don't have any ambition to do anything anymore. I just want to be done with school and travel. That's all I want to do. Travel. Maybe travel with a camera and document my journey. I can't wait to get the hell outta Michigan! This is one wish I've had ever since I can remember.

Back to BCA, I'm getting myself super involved this year. I'm still doing MHTV promotions and now I've added Central View music co-host and active National Broadcasting Society to the list. I also have to do volunteer hours for Study Abroad on top of 18 credits. Yeah...I don't mind be busy, but I'm a bit frustrated. So, I watched the premiere of Central View last night and you know what???? I SUCK! I honestly feel like the weakest link on that show! It pisses me off because I look so uncomfortable and unenergetic! Which, if you know me in person, I think I can come off with pretty good energy and maybe as a bit witty. Yeah...this frustrates me. I want to be good, damn it!

Besides school, the whole "love" life is pretty lackluster. Again, I jumped to the gun. How could I honestly believe that someone might actually take an interest in me? Guys only take interest in me for about 2.5 seconds and then drop me like a hot potato. I haven't talked to him since Saturday and I don't really care. He can call me. Seriously, will there ever be a guy that actually likes me??? I feel like Sarah Jessica Parker in the Family Stone when she finds out her boyfriend doesn't want to marry her and she replies "doesn't anybody love me???" Hahahha....yeah, I'm making a very stupid, vulnerable statement right now.

So...that's life for right now. Luckily, I'm going home for the weekend which I really really need! I've also had a cold for quite a few weeks now and it's kicking my ass. All I feel like doing is going to bed and not waking up until Friday. God...not in a good mood. I need a good cry...I haven't had one of those in a while! Anyways...I'm going to lay down until I have to tape more Central View. ***Hopefully, I can come off as more natural and comfortable!***



P.S. On a better note...I saw the object of my affection (Hot T.A.) on Saturday. He actually gave me a hug!!!!! If anything, that was seriously the highlight of my month!

So, to be honest I think I'm kinda done with Live Journal. I mean, I won't like totally delete this account but I just don't feel like updating as much as I use to. I will check up on friends entries though. Anyways, a little update...

To be honest, life is good right now. This past week has been pretty awesome. I went to my annual summer DMB tours with KT, my musical soulmate, and a newbie (Heath.) This year's trips were to Cincinnati and Cuyahoga Falls...each day equally hot. The Cinc show was good, but the Cuyahoga Falls show was absolutely AMAZING! I FINALLY got to hear DMB play JTR live, which is one of my favorite DMB songs of all time! No matter how many shows I see of DMB (I'm up to 8 shows now) I still can't get enough of them.

Also, I think us girls would make awesome jingle writers. "That was sooooo dollar menu!" or "That was soooooo off the lame menu!" or "I'm hot so hot sticky and smelly, from my head to my belly!" Or...I take camel, one hump or two humps??? God, we are such crazy girls...

So...yeah, DMB was of course of amazing as always. They never fail to impress me. I'm also just happy right now because I guess you could say that I'm "dating/hanging out with someone" at the moment. I'm not going to give out too many details...but I must say I'm happy that I'm just going with the flow of things and it feels nice. And the reason I should probably eat my words is the fact that I always said "I would never want to date anyone from high school ever again...." This guy just so happens to be from my high school. Who would've thought...

Enough from me now. Ciao ciao loves!

Astrology may seem like bullshit, but this almost feels right on...


In prior lives, you experienced intense, perhaps violent upheavals in your love relationships. You may have lost a lover to war or some other tragic end; you may have been in a marriage marked by violence and were unable to trust your partner. The sense that nothing is truly stable -- that circumstances can change in a heartbeat, in a devastating way -- has lasted with you through to your current life.

You may find it quite difficult to trust your lover at a very deep level; you yearn for attachment but the very feeling of becoming dependent on another person makes you quite uncomfortable. You might put your lover through "tests," trying to discern whether their love for you is real or ephemeral. This kind of untrusting behavior can do lasting damage to a perfectly good relationship

You are likely to be a friendly, relaxed person on the outside, but inside you have deep psychic wounds that cause you anxiety within your relationships. (This can extend beyond your love relationships, as well; you might notice that there have been people in your life who seemed to dislike you for no logical or apparent reason. These people are likely to be people from a prior life whom you somehow hurt, abused or alienated, with whom you reincarnated in your current life.)

Tonight I was suppose to have a grand time at the Lockeroom with my cousins....

***INSTEAD***

My role of a big fat "loser" has been upgraded. Not only do I currently have no job or no money, my P.O.S. Focus is once again fucked up. Story of my life...

Me: I'm internationally rejected!
CJ: americanlly accepted!
Me: What am I a credit card?


Okay, honestly...Lauren and I were talking tonight how there are absolutely NO GUYS at Central who we are even remotely interested in. Not even a guy we'd consider dating...what the hell? And then I hear about so many people my age getting engaged and all this bull shit!!! Grrr...they always say you find someone when you're "not looking" or "least expect it"...BULL SHIT! I really never look...

Whatever, I'm placing a bet I won't have a boyfriend or even date until I'm 25...any takers??? I'm sure I'll win...and not intentionally...


Anyways, enough of my bitching. Tonight was a nice little outing with some good ol' friends I haven't seen in a while...I needed this since home has been killing my soul...


Ciao, ciao! Sweet dreams!

Happy 4th of July!

I spent the holiday drinking a bottle of wine from Italy to myself...

Yeah, that was it...by myself.

P.S. I'm obviously terrible about updating this LJ but Italy...it was indescrible...to be honest, I don't even know why I came back. No Italian stallions though...which just means I'm internationally rejected!! Kinda funny...

So, yeah...I love wine...pretty much everyone (not EVERYONE)but a lot of people piss me off these days...

Yeah, tis life...c'est la vie!

I have been absolutely horrible about updating this thing. So, just a brief entry and then back to studying for my Italian quiz.

Honestly, Italy is amazing and even calling it amazing is not good enough. I'm really content here and I didn't have the whole "culture shock" thing. I feel as if I'm good about going with the flow and just finding a way to try to blend in. The funny thing is, I have yet to be homesick. I get much more homesick at school where I live an hour and a half away from home and call my parents every day compared to living across the pond and only talking to my parents every few days. Sure, I do miss my family and friends but I'm really not that homesick. In fact, the only thing that really makes me sad is that I have to leave in 2 weeks and then its back to Michigan. Some of my roommates are homesick which I can understand...they have boyfriends at home that they miss. I feel as if I stayed I would have nothing to lose. Soon it'll be back to Mt. Pleasant...where I do miss somethings but I've just realized how much more there is out in this world.

Anyways, I am living "la dolce vita" currently. I don't want it to end...ever. Ciao for now!

So, I was just informed I was awared a $400 dollar scholarship (they offered 200-400 scholarships for summer students) for my study abroad trip. WHOOOHOOOO! Then afterwards they want me to do 10 hours of "in-kind" service which means I get to work orientation. This makes me sooooooooo happy (and less stress) about financial stuff for my trip! :-)





P.S. Went to the bar last night with my cousin and her friend called the Lockeroom in Utica. Next time ppl are home, we HAVE to go! They give you drum sticks, but you can't hit ppl (which is hard for someone like me who likes to spank ppl...teeheee!) I won a 20 dollar bar tab and the DJ gave me a DVD for some weird reason. Anyways...good times! Toodles.

How appropriate...

Your Italian Name Is...

Romana Gallo

So, I pretty much have 10 DAYS until I leave for Rome! Oh man...watch out Italy! :-)


P.S. Sorry to my friends who called me todays. I'm sure you read my LJ and don't think I'm trying to avoid you...I had my phone on silent and finally realized I had some missed calls. I'm not pissed off, but I just felt I needed to express my feelings. All good and I'll call tomorrow!

So, my 21st birthday: it came and it went. To be honest, I WAS very excited about turning 21 but now I could really careless. My birthday went something like this:

Friday- I was going to go up to Mt. Pleasant, but instead went out to Auburn Hills to meet up with my cousin, Amanda, and her friends Kim and Chris. We went to this horribly sketchy bar called "Stan's" where people did karaokee. Chris sang Neil Diamond's Coming to America (and sounds just like Neil Diamond.) Other than that, there were some pretty bad singers. I think the best of the worse was this guy's version of "Gangsta's Paradise". I couldn't help but giggle. Also, there was this guy who asked me to dance with his nephew and I'm pretty sure it was the douchebag with his shirt tucked into his pants too much or the one missing teeth in the front. At 11:45, we headed over to a bar called the Red Ox (much more classy.) I had about 3 jager bombs, a purple rain and a cosmopoltian. It was a nice night and made up for how I was feeling all day. Then my cousin and I headed back to her apartment, finished off our pack of cigarettes, and passed out.

Saturday- The 21st Birthday. I woke up early and headed out to b-fast with Amanda. Then headed to Waterford where we met up with my aunt and cousin to get Amanda's car. Took off to go back to Howell. I had lunch with John and my dad at Mr. B's. That place kinda sucks for food, but I just wanted to go somewhere where I could get like a frozen drink. Came home to take a mini nap and headed up to Mt. Plessy. I went to the Cabin at around 8 and got my free Long Island (and ended up having another one), and two shots. Chad and Lauren came with me, then Drew met up with us, Jen, Chels, Marisa where there for a bit and then Angelo came up. The Cabin was mellow. Then it was off to O'Kelly's and Wayside where all hell broke loose. I got into O'Kelly's with Angelo and had like a free drink and a couple more Long Island's. I got a call from Jen telling me they couldn't come up to O'Kelly's because Chel's dad had gotten into a car accident and they didn't know what condition he was in yet. So, yeah...I was beginning to feel pretty bad. I went to the bathroom and came out and started crying in the bathroom (which really sucks cause I'm not really a cryer!) And these two girls where like "what's wrong" and I told about everything that happened. So, they came back and bought me three shots of some wickedly strong stuff. I didn't make it the third shot, bolted to the bathroom, and puked. After that, I was good and we headed to the Wayside and Heather and some other folks from work showed up. I remember dancing, drinking more, James came and bought me a shot...then I blacked out. Apparently the rest of the night went like this: Drew ask me to dance and I ran away, I threw up in the Wayside bathroom, the Wayside cut me off, Lauren and James helped me walk out of the bar but instead I kept lifting up my feet, when we got back to Chad's...I took of barefoot outside and ran in the parking lot and Lauren had to bear hug me and drag me back home, I threw up all over the bathroom and fell in the bathroom and apparently wouldn't go to bed until I got a cigarette...yeah, this was all told to me.

Sunday- Woke up still drunk and had to be informed of the previous night's activities. Lauren, Chad and I went to Bob's for some breakfast/lunch. I barely ate anything, but got my free dessert and slowly sobered up. After that, I drove home hung over as hell and went to dinner with my family to Outback on Sunday night. No drinks at Outback though, all I had was ice tea that was NOT from Long Island.

So, yeah that was my birthday. To be honest, I spent half of it disappointed as hell. I find it funny that earlier in the week I had a dream that all my best friends backed out on me at the very last minute on my birthday. And the funny thing is, it was so true. By Friday, everyone of my best friends couldn't go because they were broke. I cried my eyes out on Friday. I mean, I can understand about having no money and that can be a very valid excuse, but I've also informed everyone for over a month, maybe even longer. As someone said "that's not a valid excuse, because we are all broke." I also believe, if you truly want to do something, you just do it. A few of my work friends had to work very early in the morning and are just as broke, but came out with me because they told me they would. That means a lot to me, because if there is one thing that really pisses me off is when people say they are going to do something and at the very last minute just don't do it. It takes a lot to get me mad, and this not only pissed me off but hurt my fucking feelings. Can you blame me though? I would've been fine even if just one of you showed up cause I know it's hard to try to get a big group of people together, but not one of you showed. Hell, some of you didn't even call (I did get some messages, I was napping then.) Honestly, I know I should just say this outloud, but you all know I'm not good with confrontation. I find it best to just write out my feelings. Yes, I do apprecite that some of you want to take me out for dinner/or see me before I leave for Italy, but you don't really have to. Don't think I hate all of you, I'm a very forgiving person but I don't forget things. If anything, I was crushed that no one of you could make it out. If I would have known that none of you could come up to Mt. Pleasant, I wouldn't have gone because that was a big reason as to why I wanted to celebrate there so that anyone under 21 could go to the bar. If I would've known that, I wouldn't have been planning to do my family together the following weekend. So....yeah, that's how I feel. To be honest, I think I do have a valid reason to feel hurt. I just needed to put this out there. Thankfully, I'll be having a good family celebration this Saturday. Also, thankfully I did have some really amazing people who are true to their words and did help me make the best of my 21st. That's all.

Seriously, I don't know what it is about guys who sing or play an instrument but something about them just makes me want to rip off their clothes in an animalistic rage and...yeah, you get my point. It doesn't even matter how hot they are, some can even look as if they've been hit by a bus, but I find rocker guys so incredibly sexy.

Damn you Chris Daughtry from American Idol! (I really don't even like bald guys...but damn!)

Ugh...I'm taking a break from my "Cram for my Exam" night. I just have one more final left (BCA 223: Video Production) and a project to hand in and then I'M DONE FOR THE YEAR!!!! HOOOOOORAAAY! I'm soooooooooooo excited for the summer to begin!

Yet, I'm just also really annoyed right now by people. Not ALL, but the general population just annoys me. I just sort of feel like there is absolutely no dependable people out there, hell, myself included. I've been realizing how much I hate laziness. I really hate how I'm such a lazy person that procrastinates like its her job. I also notice it in other people too and how annoying it can be. I really need to try to just "get the job done". Yeah...damn it!

Anyways, back to studying for a bit. To be honest, my vision is becoming blury because I'm so sleep deprived. Oh well, good luck on finals folks!

Today I feel like a worthless tool. I'm so tired and so cynical all the time. Such a yucky way to be!

Rome needs to get here quick cause I need to just get the hell out of here. I should've just bought a one way ticket and then live like a travelin' American gypsy going from country to country while stealing cookies from children. It'd be so much better than living here in Mount Not-So Pleasant.

I don't know what's wrong with me these days...hope really is a lying bitch though. All hope in me has faded away.

God, I suck and I hate this whole "Heidi Hopeless" act I've been playing. At least next week will be the start of something new.

Ugh, I really hate being such a Debbie Downer, but I've had my grumpy pants on all week. I just don't want to do anything but be lazy and pout. I'm just really angry...mostly at my dad. He's been making comments to me, some very hurtful, to the point where I just feel so belittled and in a way abandoned. I'm not going to go deeper into it, but whenever something truly bothers me, I tend to bottle up everything and hide away (i.e. just staying in my room like a little hermit.) It sounds so strange, but that's the way I tend to deal with things.

To be completely honest, I hate showing any signs of weakness. I hate crying in front of people because I feel it's weak, I hate letting people see me bothered or just appearing in any sort of vulnerable state where I'm prone to weakness. I value the fact that I'm pretty independent and I do feel I tend to have a very strong interior. I may not be the most confrontational person, but I carry on.

It's just...I guess you could say that maybe I just have some issues...mostly with men. Sometimes I just really, really, really, HATE all men. And it's not because "oh, I'm single and I hate being single and so lonely". In ways, I'm a loner by nature. I do my own thing...it's odd, but I'm not afraid of being alone. I think I just have this complete loathing for men sometimes because (as much as I admit it) I sometimes feel just abandonded.

Yesterday I went to the same-sex marriage debate and the opposing man said that most children that grow up without their biological parent usually tend to have emotional/developmental problems. I would like to say I can prove that guy wrong, but this week and lately, I don't feel that way. I DO NOT, however, care to meet my biological father at all, but I must say a lot of the times I feel as if I that there is a part of me where I have no idea who I am. I mean, there's actually a part of me where I have no idea who, what, where, whatever I am. Ugh...I hate feeling this way. When I'm good, I'm grand and when I'm down...I'm just so down.

Anyways, enough of my pathetic sob story. There are people out there that have real problems and not my petty problems of "boo hoo, I don't know my dad." I'm out.

Oh jesus...that was just one of the drunken confessions I told a buncha people from work at Lil Chef. Yes...go Jessica! Hahaha...I had a good time though. Last night I went out with some Bob's folks (Angelo, Heather, Candi, Fish...even though he couldn't get into the Wayside) and went to Oldie's Night. I needed to have a good time, cause my dad has really been pissing me off lately. Anyways, Oldie's night was interesting. We ran into B.J. (another person from Bob's but I don't think he works there anymore) and a manager in training. Hahaha...needless to say, I was drunk and pole danced like no other and made some of my infamous drunk comments. Oh billy...

Easter weekend wasn't bad. I went to Kettering with Tedman and Adam to go see Krazy Karl. I learned how to play moose, was fascinated by a deep fryer, helped some guys pop some popcorn to throw in some guys bed, and made out with some dude (don't worry, his name wasn't Victor, girls.) I came home at 2 o'clock the next day still drunk...

Saturday night I got to meet up with some friends at Mr. B's. It was kinda random, to say the least. Erin and I were there for a while to eat, then Lauren joined, Josh and Chris came in and joined us, Sara and Paul, Laura and then finally Dustin came in. We ended up playing a game of pool at Brighton Bowl and then sat in Dustin's basement till 2:30 in the morning. If anything, it was just nice to see some people who I haven't seen in a while.

Yeah, so this week I have my mom's car. My fucus had to be repaired and now it needs new tires. FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK! POS CAR! ARGG! Yeah, so driving my mommy's car scares me cause its so big I don't know how to park it and it's just so big and...yeah. At least I'll get my car back Thursday.

Anywho...I wasn't expecting to write a novel but I just realized it's been about a week since I last wrote in ye olde LJ. Alrighty...I think I'm going to just be lazy and go to bed. Sweet dreams you lovely, lovely children! :-)

Grrrr...I got kinda irrated/pissed off talking to my dad.

My dad and I had a long conversation about how he thinks I'm just mediocore and need to be more persistent about what I want, except that I don't seem to have any goals (that's what he says.) Well, that just really pissed me off, because I'm not fucking mediocore...I'm JUST getting started.

To be honest, I could believe that if you told me that from a year ago around last year. When I look back at my LiveJournals from last year around this time, I was completely confused and unhappy. I'm still a bit confused and unsure about what I want to do, but I have realized that I really needed to make some changes. The theme of my LJ's last year seemed to be "confusion", "unhappiness" or how I thought I was just nothing but a tool. Which to be honest, it was so true. So, thank goodness for last semester. Thank goodness for turning into a stressful, anxiety filled, crazy person because it made me realized what I needed to change about myself and my surroundings in order to make myself happy. I feel as if I'm finally heading on the right track.

If there is one thing I still need to work on is just turning my ideas into reality. I'm sure all of you have heard of some of my crazy ideas that I like to spit out without really thinking them over too much. My goal is to actually become more of a doer, not just a passive by stander. I've played that role for too long and quite frankly, I'm bored with it. I have sooooo much I want to do and the only person that is stopping myself from doing these things are myself. Why do I allow myself to just settle? I feel as if I have been settling too much these past two years and I'm now finally ready to start taking charge and dictating the direction in which I would like my life to go in. I mean, it is cool to be laid back, but I need to quit being so laid back where I'm not even taking into consideration as to what I really want. That sounds a little selfish, but if you really get what I'm saying, maybe you'll understand.

Another thing, I feel as if I have learned a lot about myself in a school year. I've realized a lot about the kind of people I like to surround myself with and what kind of people I don't like to be around...for instance, I really can NOT stand negative people, ignorant/stupid people and of course, people who lack a sense of humor. I realize I don't laugh that much up here and when I do, its usually by myself over a friend's comment from home. Laughter really is the best rememdy...

Enough from me for one night. I really need to work on my paper I've neglected all night. At least I did spend about 3 1/2 hours today in the library studying for my Macroeconomics exam tomorrow. Gold star for me! Alright...I'm out.